Lunch Box


Bethany Rose Lamont/22/Oxford MA Student/I like to write and make art


weepling:

DisEmbodied.7. (2012), by Iraqi artist Hayv Kahraman

weepling:

DisEmbodied.7. (2012), by Iraqi artist Hayv Kahraman

(Source: sirilaf)

Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.
—Leonardo da Vinci (via nicky-poisonivy)

(Source: wholelottaquotes)

(Source: gebben)

When [an abusive man] tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself, I ask him why he didn’t do something even worse. For example, I might say, “You called her a fucking whore, you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room, and then you gave her a shove and she fell down. There she was at your feet where it would have been easy to kick her in the head. Now, you have just finished telling me that you were ‘totally out of control’ at that time, but you didn’t kick her. What stopped you?” And the client can always give me a reason. Here are some common explanations:

"I wouldn’t want to cause her a serious injury."
“I realized one of the children was watching.”
“I was afraid someone would call the police.”
“I could kill her if I did that.”
“The fight was getting loud, and I was afraid the neighbors would hear.”

And the most frequent response of all:

"Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”

The response that I almost never heard — I remember hearing it twice in the fifteen years — was: “I don’t know.”

These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients’ loss of control excuse. While a man is on an abusive rampage, verbally or physically, his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions: “Am I doing something that other people could find out about, so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel, gross, or violent?”

A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients: An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable. He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it, but he feels justified inside. I can’t remember a client ever having said to me: “There’s no way I can defend what I did. It was just totally wrong.” He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough. In short, an abuser’s core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.

I sometimes ask my clients the following question: “How many of you have ever felt angry enough at youer mother to get the urge to call her a bitch?” Typically half or more of the group members raise their hands. Then I ask, “How many of you have ever acted on that urge?” All the hands fly down, and the men cast appalled gazes on me, as if I had just asked whether they sell drugs outside elementary schools. So then I ask, “Well, why haven’t you?” The same answer shoots out from the men each time I do this exercise: “But you can’t treat your mother like that, no matter how angry you are! You just don’t do that!”

The unspoken remainder of this statement, which we can fill in for my clients, is: “But you can treat your wife or girlfriend like that, as long as you have a good enough reason. That’s different.” In other words, the abuser’s problem lies above all in his belief that controlling or abusing his female partner is justifiable….

Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via seebster)

THIS BOOK SAVED MY LIFE AND I CANNOT RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH
EVERYONE ON EARTH SHOULD READ THIS *except abusers

(via theinconstantones)

greatartinuglyrooms:

Mark Rothko (redo)
I have been described by you, for hundreds of years. And now, I can describe you. That’s part of the panic.
— James Baldwin (via 2brwngrls)

(Source: jessehimself)

weepling:

Silent Hollywood actress Dorothy Mackaill 

weepling:

Silent Hollywood actress Dorothy Mackaill 

(Source: vintagechampagnefever)

nogdrinker:

my fetish is sleeping in my own bed by myself

The false self develops to protect the dehumanized person whose heart and soul have been annihilated through trauma. To do this the false self grows up too fast and becomes precociously adapted to the outer world (Winnicott, 1960) in order to resist any unguarded spontaneous expressions of authentic self in the world. The chameleon-like nature of the false self enables the survivor to be whatever the abuser wants it to be. Most commonly this is manifest in fierce independence, self-sufficiency, invulnerability, and pseudomaturity. This false self often presents as a solid exterior which appears calm, contained, secure, and functional but is actually a veneer for the fragile, labile, insecure, helpless and developmentally immature true self.
—Christiane Sanderson, Introduction to Counselling Survivors of Interpersonal Trauma (via disabledbyculture)
weepling:

Ph. Wai Lin Tse

weepling:

Ph. Wai Lin Tse

(Source: bienenkiste)

I don’t consider myself a feminist, I prefer to call myself a humanist or an egalitarian.
— Pseudo-intellectual white dude who prefers to imagine that he’s more enlightened than feminists and also is uncomfortable with the thought that he’s part of the problem and also has a incorrect conception of feminism. (via brighterthanroses)

(Source: auto-rambler)


Ohboy! Vol.46

Ohboy! Vol.46

(Source: melancholia2011)